Metadata: f/2.8, 1/125, ISO 6400
Gone are the five hour stretches of sleep. We are back to four. If I am lucky. & I am tired.
I can’t put my baby down when I am home. He won’t sleep longer than 45 minutes during the day. He wants to eat nonstop. He cries & cries. He startles easily. He’s extremely sensitive. He only wants me. & he is just…tough.
He’s the baby I used to hear other mothers talk about. I used to judge and compare my perfectly scheduled babywised baby.
It must be HER. What is she doing WRONG? Ezzo said I am not lucky. He said I am the reason my baby is awesome. & I am not going to let anyone tell me I am lucky.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnndddd then I had Everett.
Babywise? FAIL. Schedule? HA.
I am the same mother. I tried the same things. & they did not work. & nothing really works. Except babywearing and feeding him all the time. Am I alone?
Turns out, I am not. At least Dr. Sears says I am not. He says my baby is simply, HIGH NEEDS. [understatement, UNDERSTATEMENT]
What is a high needs baby? Read this. It the definition of my son.
Reading has helped me a lot this week. It’s helped me face the reality and accept that I cannot turn everett into caroline. He has very different needs and as exhausting as they are, it’s just going to be this way for awhile. & I am accepting that. I have no time to craft. I have no time to read. My house is not as clean as I’d like. I have very little left at the end of the day and it is taking a large emotional toll on me. I am quite simply, not the ME I knew before. I know she’ll return, but I miss her. A lot.
I know some of you feel this way. I also know there is shame in feeling this way. We blame ourselves when we have tough kids and I am going to try very hard not to do that. It’s not my fault. I can only control so much. I was really lucky with caroline. & It’s okay to admit it is hard this time around. I feel it is best to educate myself about how to handle him instead of feel sorry for myself for struggling. But the latter is very easy to do.
I challenge you mamas of high needs babies to do the same. We are not failures. We are not worse mothers than our friends who have babies that slept through the night at seven weeks. We are just dealing with different challenges.
& ironically…the only thing that calms my everett, other than the ergo or nursing, is a book. He loves books. That, I can get on board with.
& Project 52 is off to a very collaborative start! If you’d like to join in–it’s not too late. Here’s everything you need to know about
& those of you who are linking up (please let me know if you need to be edited/added!):
Adventures in Mommyhood • Aubrey My Love • Blossoms & Vintage • Bugs & Boo-Boos • Candice Craves • Candidly Colette • Caynay Photography • Christina’s Project 52 • Chronicles of KT • Claire Jane • The Crain’s Nest • Dana Moran Photography • The Daulton Dabbler • Englexas • Everything Eatherton • Fairy Wings & Dinosaurs • Finding Joy • Firecracker Mama • Freckled Pink • From Stanwood to Seoul • Gin & Juice Boxes • Heather Marie Portraits • Ici & La • It’s a Graham Life • It’s a Strange & Lovely Ride • Kate L Photography • Keeping up with the Carters • Kim Percival Photography • Living for Love • Lizzi Photography • Mahina & Lucas • Mama Bethany • McLain Padilla Photography • Mist Moments • Memories by Mere • Moments & Impressions • The Mommyhood Memos • Moo with Me • Moxie Made • My Tots Travel • Navigating the Mothership • Nicole Dina Photography • Oh the Places We’ll Go • Our Baby Behr • Our Splendid Little Life • Phreckle Face Photography • Quiet Footsteps •Rachel Gray Photography • The Robersons • Shades of Bliss • Shutter Mama Blog • Side of the Table • Simply Us • Snaps of Our Life • Squamish Baby • The Todd’s • We Aren’t Scared of Sugar • We’re Better Together • Wicked Kate • Wokabout • Z as in Zebra