Project 52 | TWENTY EIGHT

Metadata: f/2.8, 1/125, ISO 6400

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Gone are the five hour stretches of sleep. We are back to four. If I am lucky. & I am tired.

I can’t put my baby down when I am home. He won’t sleep longer than 45 minutes during the day. He wants to eat nonstop. He cries & cries. He startles easily. He’s extremely sensitive. He only wants me. & he is just…tough.

He’s the baby I used to hear other mothers talk about. I used to judge and compare my perfectly scheduled babywised baby.

It must be HER. What is she doing WRONG? Ezzo said I am not lucky. He said I am the reason my baby is awesome. & I am not going to let anyone tell me I am lucky.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnndddd then I had Everett.

Babywise? FAIL. Schedule? HA.

I am the same mother. I tried the same things. & they did not work. & nothing really works. Except babywearing and feeding him all the time. Am I alone?

Turns out, I am not. At least Dr. Sears says I am not. He says my baby is simply, HIGH NEEDS. [understatement, UNDERSTATEMENT]

What is a high needs baby? Read this. It the definition of my son.

Reading has helped me a lot this week. It’s helped me face the reality and accept that I cannot turn everett into caroline. He has very different needs and as exhausting as they are, it’s just going to be this way for awhile. & I am accepting that. I have no time to craft. I have no time to read. My house is not as clean as I’d like. I have very little left at the end of the day and it is taking a large emotional toll on me. I am quite simply, not the ME I knew before. I know she’ll return, but I miss her. A lot.

I know some of you feel this way. I also know there is shame in feeling this way. We blame ourselves when we have tough kids and I am going to try very hard not to do that. It’s not my fault. I can only control so much. I was really lucky with caroline. & It’s okay to admit it is hard this time around. I feel it is best to educate myself about how to handle him instead of feel sorry for myself for struggling. But the latter is very easy to do.

I challenge you mamas of high needs babies to do the same. We are not failures. We are not worse mothers than our friends who have babies that slept through the night at seven weeks. We are just dealing with different challenges.

& ironically…the only thing that calms my everett, other than the ergo or nursing, is a book. He loves books. That, I can get on board with.

(& how rad is the book above?! It’s the official Pantone Color book for kids. Thank you, SIL! Everyone here LOVES it!)

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& Project 52 is off to a very collaborative start! If you’d like to join in–it’s not too late. Here’s everything you need to know about

my 2012 Project 52.

& those of you who are linking up (please let me know if you need to be edited/added!):

Adventures in MommyhoodAubrey My LoveBlossoms & VintageBugs & Boo-Boos Candice CravesCandidly Colette Caynay PhotographyChristina’s Project 52 Chronicles of KTClaire Jane The Crain’s Nest Dana Moran Photography The Daulton Dabbler Englexas Everything Eatherton Fairy Wings & Dinosaurs Finding Joy Firecracker MamaFreckled PinkFrom Stanwood to Seoul Gin & Juice Boxes Heather Marie PortraitsIci & LaIt’s a Graham LifeIt’s a Strange & Lovely RideKate L Photography Keeping up with the Carters Kim Percival PhotographyLiving for Love Lizzi Photography Mahina & Lucas Mama Bethany McLain Padilla Photography Mist Moments Memories by Mere Moments & Impressions The Mommyhood Memos Moo with Me Moxie Made My Tots TravelNavigating the MothershipNicole Dina PhotographyOh the Places We’ll GoOur Baby Behr Our Splendid Little Life Phreckle Face Photography Quiet FootstepsRachel Gray PhotographyThe Robersons Shades of Bliss Shutter Mama BlogSide of the TableSimply Us Snaps of Our LifeSquamish Baby The Todd’s We Aren’t Scared of SugarWe’re Better Together Wicked KateWokabout Z as in Zebra

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Hi! Hello! I am Shawna, the founder of Styleberry Blog. This creative corner of the internet has become a learning haven for moms and creatives, offering a warm and encouraging nudge to those who wish to be better and do better, but often don't know where to start. From Decorating to DIY to Diapers and Paleo-ish Dishes, I strive to make the complicated simple and empower women to take action beyond their personal comfort zone. I subscribe to the Shine Theory & so strongly believe that we shine when the women around us shine and mutual support—lifting up instead of tearing down--will always be the culture here. Are you in? I hope so! Beyond the computer, I run Styleberry Creativewhere I work with clients to create low fuss, high function spaces that are pretty and practical in San Antonio, Texas and beyond. I LOVE making a house a home. My own studs out renovation is almost complete and I am now back to working with clients. Please don't hesitate to drop me a line if you'd like to work together! I hope you’ll join me on this fun new adventure! Xo.