Project 52 | TWENTY THREE

Friday, June 8, 2012

Metadata: f/2.8, 1/200, ISO 1600

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I was in tears over lunch today. Sleep deprived. Exhausted. Husbandless for the day & night again & my lunch date was too. Our husbands work together & we just…empathized. Two, by yourself, is hard. & neither of us are very good at asking for help. Nor do we have family in town. We just go go go…until we cry. & that’s just what happens sometimes.

This week life just didn’t work.

So it was time to change.

I barely get 20 minutes during the day to myself with two babies sleeping & as I have said before, I need that downtime to recharge. I was trying to deal with my lack of alone time by finding a screen to bury my nose in to ignore the chaos around me and I was failing. So it hit me. Delete facebook from my iPhone. Check it if I feel so inclined. It is a major time sucker and I was using it to whine. Not productive. Not healthy. I feel like a better mama already. & I have real life friends I can hug & call and that just feels a million times better than anything a screen can give me sometimes. So please know any posts on the wall I’ll get to when I can. My computer is just at the bottom of my priority list right now because 15 weeks later, I am totally still in survival mode. & definitely not sleeping much.

& I am trying to let it go.

Let go of the guilt. Let go of the pressure. Let go of the internet.

Just a little bit.

This is just a season.

xoxo.

(& that beautiful print is by Studio Mela…& will soon be in that frame, not just taped to it. ;) )

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& Project 52 is off to a very collaborative start! If you’d like to join in–it’s not too late. Here’s everything you need to know about

my 2012 Project 52.

& those of you who are linking up (please let me know if you need to be edited/added!):

Adventures in Mommyhood • Aubrey My Love • Blossoms & Vintage • Bugs & Boo-Boos • Candice Craves • Caynay Photography • Christina’s Project 52 • Chronicles of KT • Claire Jane • The Crain’s Nest • Dana Moran Photography • The Daulton Dabbler • Englexas • Everything Eatherton • Fairy Wings & Dinosaurs • Finding Joy • Firecracker Mama • Freckled Pink • From Stanwood to Seoul • Gin & Juice Boxes • Heather Marie Portraits • Ici & La • It’s a Graham Life • It’s a Strange & Lovely Ride • Kate L Photography • Keeping up with the Carters • Kim Percival Photography • Living for Love • Lizzi Photography • Mahina & Lucas • Mama Bethany • McLain Padilla Photography • Mist Moments • Memories by Mere • Moments & Impressions • The Mommyhood Memos • Moo with Me • Moxie Made • My Tots Travel • Navigating the Mothership • Nicole Dina Photography • Oh the Places We’ll Go • Our Baby Behr • Our Splendid Little Life • Phreckle Face Photography • Quiet Footsteps •Rachel Gray Photography • The Robersons • Shades of Bliss • Shutter Mama Blog • Side of the Table • Simply Us • Snaps of Our Life • Squamish Baby • The Todd’s • We Aren’t Scared of Sugar • We’re Better Together • Wicked Kate • Wokabout • Z as in Zebra

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Posted in 2012 Project 52 | I want them to know..., styleberryPHOTO

show hide 16 comments

Michelle R - Oh, Shawna, hang in there! Remember to breathe and take life one day at a time. You will make it through this and you’ll be stronger for it. I remember thinking I would never make it through those first few weeks of no sleep, terrible crying and a guilty sense of grief over losing my child-free life. Now we’re coming up on a year and it’s so much easier than it was in the beginning. You found your rhythm mothering one kid, I know you’ll find it with two!

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Caitlin - I feel your pain! My husband is often absent due to his coaching responsibilities and I am just getting the hang of this motherhood thing with my 2.5 month old. Thanks for the reminder that this is just a season and that I need to maximize my time. ALL OF IT! I am often on Facebook while holding my baby and I need to spend that time with him while I can. I also need to maximize my precious me time while he is sleeping doing other things than Facebook. Hello SLEEP! You are such an inspiration and have such insightful posts. Thanks for taking the time to share!

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Jessica Sliman - I’m thinking about you. xoxo!
Jessica Sliman recently posted..An argument for cable.

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Traci - Good Job! I think I am going to do the same thing….it is just hard to let go of the little link the “outside” “adult” “world”…

You are so right that this is just a season, you will get through it and then you will want to do it all again because hind sight is foggy and you only remember the beautiful times! There is no shame in asking for help or taking a nap with your babe and or watching a movie and snuggling with her toddler. You can do it Momma!

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Jill - i am the proud mama of a 3 month old…and some days are definitely better than others! reading your post instantly made me feel better, like i’m not the only one who feels the way i do. thank you so much for being real and honest about motherhood.

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carrie - I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s nice to hear that you’re not the only mama in survivor mode, right? Some days/weeks get better though! But 2 is hard! Especially at dinner/bedtime, huh? Just know that you’re not alone!

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Karisa Tomkinson - I have wanted to do this for so long. Thanks for the motivation to actually do it myself. Just out of curiosity… how did you delete it from your phone? Mine seems to be a ‘default’ app and is always there… :/

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Bridget - Hi Shawna, I’m so sorry you are having a hard time doing this all on your own. Taking a break from fb is something I also need to do! I recently found out I’m pregnant with my second baby, my first is just 7 months old. I was wondering if you have any words of advice for having babies close together or any baby gear you couldn’t live without? Thank you so much!

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Beth - Learning to let go is a hard thing for me. But I’m trying.

http://www.snapsofourlife.com/2012/06/08/photo-story-friday-at-the-park/
Beth recently posted..Instagrams Weekly

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Christin - My babe is like 2 days younger than yours, and every time you post I feel like it is my life also, no sleep, and just so exhausted and this is my 2nd baby. Your posts uplift me knowing someone else is out there going through what I am going through. My first was easy and the 2nd is just so different and it is just HARD! It is truly just a season, my mom always says,”This too shall pass”

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Shannel - Coming from someone who quit facebook last year (as a new mama), I think disconnecting from/deprioritizing the virtual world will reward you significantly.

“This is just a season.” — Great words. Thank you.
Shannel recently posted..Project JOY | 22

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Kaley - I am so feeling your pain! Starting next month I will be husbandless until September 2013. :( I might have to order this print as a good reminder that I can’t do everything, and stay sane. Hang in there!
Kaley recently posted..San Francisco Pinning

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Jenn - The internet is such a funny thing- sometimes it can provide the exact release we need and other times it just makes matters worse. Your babies are lucky to have a mother who is as present as you are- you’re doing the right thing, hang in there!!
Jenn recently posted..Giving myself a break

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Kelly B. - Galatians 6:9 tells us “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” I love this verse…..it promises a respite at the end of a trial….a hope that can be clung to. {{{Hugs, mama}}} Praying for you and your sweet babies. ♥

[Reply]

Kelly B. - Galatians 6:9 tells us “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” I love this verse….because it promises a respite at the end of a trial….it offers a hope that can be clung to. {{{Hugs, mama}}} Praying for you & your sweet babies. ♥

[Reply]

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