Metadata: f/2.8, 1/80, ISO 5000
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As you can guess…the maternity clothes have come out of hiding. Except I have a problem. Two actually. But both are good problems.
This pregnancy is starting exactly six months after the last one, according to the calendar year. The good news: I will not be delivering this baby on day 57 of triple digit heat in-a-row this year. HOORAY. But…my smaller preggo items are all for cooler weather temps. & my HUGE (and I mean HUGE–my god, it’s impossible I was ever that size) clothes are made for right now. & they look comical. Like inappropriately huge, see too much skin, ginormous. Not cute.
I am also starting this pregnancy about 15lbs lighter than the last–which is wonderful (I talked about how that happened here & here & here). Except all of my pants, shorts & (fancy) jeans are huge. :( Way too huge to wear. Hopefully, they will stay that way, but I know they may fit…eventually.
But what I am really amazed at it the ability of the body to shift. & return. It is absolutely amazing. My hips gained plenty of inches. My ribcage went up 8 inches. (I’m short, so there is very little vertical space for a baby to occupy) But all of it that grew went back, smaller than before. Even my feet went up, then back down to their happy little size 6.5 selves. It’s crazy.
I can feel my body changing & it is different this time. Knowing this is the last time I will experience this, I can appreciate it for what it is–temporary. But body image is something that many women don’t talk about during pregnancy. I thought I would feel more beautiful than ever before and be happy as a clam while pregnant. But the reality was (and is) that I am a terribly uncomfortable pregnant woman. My heartburn started at 7 weeks. It is so painful that I am on a restricted diet. I like to move. A lot. & I never feel like I can move well while carrying a child. I pride myself in being physically tough, but pregnancy makes me weak in a way that impacts how I feel about myself. & while it is just a season, I am looking forward. & I can’t help but keep thinking about my experience delivering my caroline & how that shapes how I feel about this whole pregnant vs. strong thing.
The most physically strong I have ever felt in my life was during the last stage of labor. My drugs wore off & it was time to push. It was the most intense, physically demanding (& exhilarating) experience I have ever had. I wish I could feel that powerful through my whole pregnancy. It was something I can’t put into words, but share with any other woman who knows what it feels like to push a baby out without an epidural. I cannot wait to experience that again. I am looking forward to my delivery in an extraordinary way & preparing myself, both mentally & physically, already. But still, I can’t help recalling my whole experience. I was at my physical weakest (up to that point) when I walked into the hospital. 12 hours later, I felt the strongest I ever had. Then (thanks to my unfortunate delivery) I felt even weaker than ever before in my life. All within a 24 hour period. Never again will it happen that way. & despite it all, I am still excited to deliver another baby. Really, I can’t wait.
But until then, I will not eat lemons. or tomatoes. Or more than a cup of food at a time. I will try to move as much as I can. & I look forward to getting kicked in the belly. Literally. :) & I will try to eat enough to keep this little one growing. & hang on every single word of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. The best part of this whole experience is right around the corner. I just need to remember that as I stand each morning in my closet…staring at my favorite little pair of jeans…& then reaching for something else ;)
(& I’m still on blog-cation. I need it. Swear)
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& if you happen to be new here & want to learn more about why my project 52 looks the way it does, head on over to
& here are the links to some of you who are doing this with me! Be sure to let me know if I missed you by adding a comment to this post. I promise to add you, as long as you link me back!
allenaim photography • Brown-Eyed Girl Photography • Bump Meet Baby • Capturing Memories • Capturing My Time • Cyan Baby Bliss • Confessions of a Baby Shopaholic • Fitori • Katie Clay Photography • Lizzi Loves… • McBabyBump • New Mom Adventure • Phreckle Face Photography • {rik-see} photography • So Much for My Plans • Surviving Endometriosis • The Buckeye Homestead • The VanDyck Family • Wicked Kate
