Lessons. This year has been fulllllll of lessons. Some I needed to learn and some I didn’t know I needed to learn, but I am walking away a much more intentional person than I was before February 2012.
One of the things my dear, sweet, handful of a boy, Everett has taught me is a little thing called “prioritizing.” I was not so great before I had him. I was overextended, over committed and convinced I could do it all. There is nothing like a high-maintenance baby to teach you a little lesson about what really matters in life. Top of that list (behind feeding children): sleep. Sleep or laundry? SLEEP. Sleep or clean floors? SLEEP. Sleep or blogging? SLEEEEP!
& that is why this blog has been neglected. I have so many posts I have started, so many things I want to share but at the end of the day the decision I make about my smidge of free time is either to do a project, or write about doing a project. & I sure cannot write about projects that I don’t do, so most often they are left on my hard drive. My computer and I have just not been friends.
But you all keep coming here. Even for my personal project 52. Or maybe it’s my monthly-ish post about something I really want to share. But you are still here. (& I am so glad you are) but I am hitting the place that I have seen many blogging friends hit. I came to grips with giving up business for motherhood a couple years ago-and have happily been a MWAC ever since. But this blog filled my heart with what I needed beyond motherhood. But right now, it feels forced. It does not feel like the outlet is always has, because I cannot figure out how to be the mother/crafter/cook/wife/homemaker I want to be, and still have time to share here too.
If you’ve been reading this for awhile, you know that I manage this household alone about 95% of the time. My husband is a surgery resident physician, in a very demanding program. We see him for just a few minutes a day on work days, and hopefully on his four days off per month, if we’re lucky. We are almost five years into this training schedule (one more to go), but he has recently decided to further specialize and will be continuing on to a three year fellowship that will include even more demanding work hours than he has right now. This has been a huge decision for our family–and seeing my husband so passionate about his future, and literally giving people another chance at life, is really pretty neat. It’s rare to meet a person who gets to do what they love, especially someone who chooses a profession that requires 13 years of post graduate training (you read that right). I have no help (nor family close by) and I don’t want help. My floors are mine to clean. My children are mine to care for. My garden is mine to tend to. But I cannot do it all. Especially on my own.
So I have to give myself peace of mind right now and promise to take care of me, my babies, my own family. I get emails daily about advertising on this blog and opportunities–amazing opportunities–that I just can’t say yes to. This blog is an outlet, not a business. & that is by choice. I have a huge marketing plan for The stylebabyLOG, but it’s on the back burner. I cannot do it all.
I am not saying goodbye to blogging, but I am relieving myself, publicly, of the pressure to write consistently. I will not be doing project 52 next year. I will write when I am moved to. I will write when it brings me joy, not stress. I will share what I can, and in the meantime, you can catch snippets on Instagram. I cannot do it all.
There has been nothing more freeing to me than not turning on my computer until after my babies are in bed. Not checking email a zillion times a day. Not being glued to my phone. Technology is a blessing, but also a really huge curse. It is so hard to remain present and engaged with the life in front of us instead of the virtual reality that we create for ourselves behind our computer or iphone. I found this ecard and it really hit me hard, and has been on my brain since I saw it. It socked me in the gut.
So I am signing off through the end of the year, (I will finish out project 52,) and I’m not sure when I will be back next year. I am going to soak in my babies. Enjoy them and the magic that is Christmas. I will never have a baby again, and I don’t want to take that lightly. Being a mother has always been at the tippy top of my list of things I want to be. Everything else is icing on the cake.
I hope you will understand. & I hope you take some time to reflect upon your reality–the virtual and the in-front-of-your-face. Coffee dates and lunch dates are so much more fulfilling to me than sitting behind a computer and hitting refresh. refresh. refresh. There is a whole world right outside my office that brings greater joy than interactions from behind a keyboard. I love what this blog is and what you all bring to this supportive community, and it will always be here. But for now, I am choosing to just let it be.
May your holidays be Merry & Bright!