It’s getting real. REALLY real. 2014 was always the number. It marked the end of residency. THE goal. The moment we could breathe. The year we could look forward to. I’m going to pretend (for just a moment) that there aren’t several even harder fellowship years right around the corner, and celebrate. Somehow, we made it. This six year Texas chapter is very close to being over. We MADE it. We grew roots. I grew two babies. I grew into my very own shoes. I am not the same person who set foot on this brand new foundation in 2008. & I never want to go back. These four walls we’ve loved in have brought the highest highs and lowest lows. Emotionally. Physically. Looking back, it seems like a volatile chapter, but somehow what I remember clearest, is the sunshine. Through the infertility & career struggles & challenges of being married to someone who just isn’t physically present & sleep deprivation beyond my most awful imagination…I still see the sunshine. The dark days have made me who I am, and the sunshine got brighter. & there was plenty of it. Literally and figuratively.
As I took down the Christmas decorations, I started the process of taking down everything personal in my home. Staging is right around the corner and that means that it’s time to purge & pack away. I am holding & lingering upon frames full of images that mean so much to me. They take me right back to the quiet of the first baby I brought home. The chaos of the second. The crazy that has been our lives in between.
With each passing year my outlook seems to shift just a little bit. When I built this house, I was in a dark place. The cabinets are dark. The paint colors were dark. The furnishings were/are dark. It’s lightened up over time, but I’m ready to move on to something different. I used to be a collector. I liked stuff. I still like a cozy & decorated space but at this point, where the overwhelming-ness of two small children and all the stuff that goes with them rears its very messy head, all I am looking for is negative space. I want less. Can we get by with just ONE plate for each? & just wash them often? ONE water bottle? Can we just please have an EMPTY room to play? The former me would have wanted rooms filled. Stat. Oh, how kids change you at your core.
As we prepare to move & downsize, my motto is very clear:
LESS furniture? MORE space to play. LESS stuff to clean? MORE time to do something fun. LESS toys? MORE imagination. LESS time on a screen? MORE time to engage face to face. LESS home? MORE intentional space planning. It seems like all my goals come down to having less right now. Pretty much the opposite mindset I’ve ever had before.
So that is the goal for the start of 2014. I recently read this article & the thing that stuck with me most (as it relates to paring stuff down) is asking yourself one simple question: “Would I buy this today?” If the answer is no, donate it! :) So I am on my fourth car full of stuff out the door. It’s so easy to purge using that mindset. SOOOO easy.
& at the strong urging of my read-a-holic husband, we’re starting a book club. Just the two of us. We’re reading a book together and using it to help each other grow & find stuff to talk about in our fairly narrowly focused lives. Our first book, which is absolutely fascinating, is The Power of Habit. I have several new habits that I am implementing (habits being the behaviors that we consistently do over time to achieve goals). I believe in them & they have already brought about a positive mental change. The simplest, but possibly most impactful so far, is making my bed. I’ve never been a bed maker, but it really seems to boost my productivity. (The book claims it does). So a small win for Shawna. I need all of them I can possibly get.
& the super fun part I’m dying to share…before I started transforming my home back into a house that someone else wants to buy, I insisted on having a very special kind of photo shoot. I begged Gina Zeidler to take a trip down here and do a “live in” session with me. I wanted to have her photograph every bit of this home where we became a family–& us living in it. & I was so blessed by her. She spent a few days with me and gave me the most incredible gift anyone could right now. You know all those little moments with your children that you have burned in your memory, but you just never have a picture of? THOSE moments. The little stubborn chin to shoulder move, that you’ll never catch on camera. That sweet nose nuzzle after a bath, that just never lives as anything but a memory? THAT. Sweet Gina. She just hung out while I did my regular ‘ol routine. & she had her camera. & every time I look at these precious images, I cry. Some of these include the tiniest important detail that only I notice. Facial expressions that I can hear loud and clear the moment I see them. The moments so intimate, the ones I never thought I’d ever be able to show my children, don’t just live in my memory anymore. These are such a gift. The epitome of real. So perfectly & casually, US. Gina, thank you. I could not share even half of them here, but these are some of my favorites. What treasures. :)
For more information about Gina’s incredible Live-In sessions, check out her website: Gina Zeidler. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful our experience with her was. & then the pictures. Oh, the pictures. This was a splurge for me, and one I know I will never regret. Priceless!! :)