52:3 | science

Metadata: f/2.8, 1/320, ISO 500

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This project is keeping me sane right now. I have so many emotions running through my head & sharing them in an artistic way is helping me cope. I can’t seem to talk about this stuff…but I can write and use my camera as my voice.

As you can guess, my infertility is at the forefront of my mind. Yesterday, what I thought would be a 20 minute appointment with my Reproductive Endocrinologist ended up becoming a 2 hour long series of testing. I am left with all these big scary words and statistics running through my head & causing a giant lump in my throat every time I try & talk about it. So I am not talking about it yet. But I know I am not alone in these emotions. Many of you have shared these same feelings. It really sucks. It’s pretty shitty. & it hurts my heart to think I might not be able to give my husband a son, or my daughter a sibling. All I can think of are those big scary words & really ugly numbers that I heard over & over in the sterile exam rooms.

I’m starting to grip reality. My daughter was a miracle. & in the end, I am so very lucky to have her. While I certainly want to have another child, really, I am lucky to have had one at all. But we will try, with help, until I cannot emotionally take it anymore. Because we are fighters. & we make fighters. I have to think that my daughter’s persistence came from mine…& we’ll try, try again. Because that is what this family does.

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& here are the linkys to all of you who are doing this with me!

Be sure to let me know if I missed you by adding a comment to this post. I promise to add you, as long as you link me back! (& do let me know if the link needs editing)

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Hi! Hello! I am Shawna, the founder of Styleberry Blog. This creative corner of the internet has become a learning haven for moms and creatives, offering a warm and encouraging nudge to those who wish to be better and do better, but often don't know where to start. From Decorating to DIY to Diapers and Paleo-ish Dishes, I strive to make the complicated simple and empower women to take action beyond their personal comfort zone. I subscribe to the Shine Theory & so strongly believe that we shine when the women around us shine and mutual support—lifting up instead of tearing down--will always be the culture here. Are you in? I hope so! Beyond the computer, I run Styleberry Creative where I work with clients to create low fuss, high function spaces that are pretty and practical in San Antonio, Texas and beyond. I LOVE making a house a home. My own studs out renovation is now complete and I am now back to working with clients. Please don't hesitate to drop me a line if you'd like to work together! I hope you’ll join me on this fun new adventure! Xo.