It was Wednesday night & it was gymnastics night. After two hours sitting in a small enclosed space, giving smiles and thumbs ups through the window, I was done. & every single week, the same scenario happened and I braced myself for my rage. You see, Wednesday often felt like the rest of the world’s…
Where did these two years go?! We’re almost packing boxes again. This is crazy!! Several months ago I shared with you my big decision to say YES to a large Interior Styling project and since then, life has looked a bit different. This blog has stayed stagnant (despite the promise of a revival). My floors are a little…
Back in the day I used to do a lot of DIY tutorials around here. It’s been awhile since I walked you though one and after sharing it on IG & getting some “yes, please teach me!” feedback–I thought I would do a super simple one. I love easy projects. & this is such a…
Helloo!! When it rains it pours. Suddenly flooded with fun opportunities, I have been busy, busy. In a really great way! So you know I love books. If you read this blog regularly, you have seen image after image of me and my kids with books. It’s a small obsession of ours and we take…
It was the dead of winter. The holidays had passed & I was left with the January gloom. But this year, it was more than my usual post-holiday blues. My house no longer glowed from the Christmas lights and I was staying up late, not accomplishing much and living on lattes. Granted, this has been a…
It’s been almost eight years since I first picked up a fancy camera. It’s been even longer than that since I first wrote on this blog. & all the while, the dots have felt so disconnected. I keep saying that phrase, “connect the dots.” It’s one of my favorites. I love wrestling with making sense…
Big Magic. Have you read it? If you haven’t, run. Buy it. I made the mistake of waiting for it to arrive at the library and one chapter from the end, I amazon prime’d it so I could remove the thirty sticky notes from the library book and switch it to permanent underlines in my…
Are you here? Or is it just me? I don’t know what it is. But I am stuck. I can’t move. I can’t make. I can’t even start. It’s scary and there is no plan and I have no idea where to begin. I don’t know where I am going. There is so much I want…
Shawna, I don’t ever comment on blog posts but I just had to on this one of yours. I’m not married to the military, or medicine, but so much of what you’ve written here resonates with me. Being the “default parent” is lonely and frustrating and certainly requires strength to both get through and see beyond the tougher times. You are such a strong woman. Thank you for sharing. And for being so candid and honest, and truly inspiring. Congratulations to you and Tommy – what a beautiful story you two have. xoxo Beth
Beautifully written! Thank you for your honesty.
And it’s posts like this that continue to inspire me and keep me coming back even after any absence. Thank you for your honesty. Your blog encouraged me through grad school and internship in order to become a children’s therapist. Truth be told, many of us go through complete and utter “Darkness,” depending on the season of life we’re in. Thank you for your authenticity and honesty. I’ve had more than my fair share of this in the past 5 years, but it’s comforting to read someone share many of the same struggles I’ve had!
This made me tear up. I’m married to a doctor. In the middle of medical school we were having babies. And it was so stinking hard. Sometimes I feel like we’re not allowed to discuss being overburdened when you’re married to a dr or especially when we were in med school and residency. I always say when we were in school not when he was in med school!vwe both survived it
Loved your honesty in this! ❤️
I’m Not married to someone in medicine, but my husband works offshore on a boat for 4+ weeks at a time. When he’s home, he’s often resting, getting into a normal sleep schedule after working nights, and he frequently gets called back early. He has no cell phone reception & has a very short time window of when he can call. I can’t call him unless it’s a true emergency. I can so relate to your post. I’m 39 weeks pregnant with our third daughter, have been alone & really struggling to keep up with my 2 small kids nearly this entire pregnancy. It’s very likely he may not make it to her birth.
It is so hard to be married when your spouse is really never home. Most people do not understand this kind of life. Not sure I would recommend it to anyone honestly. I’m glad to read that you’re in a new season & things are smoothing out. We are looking forward to a promotion (hopefully in the next year or so) to get to have more time as a complete family. I know when the kids get bigger, he will be home more. They will really need him more as they grow up. Just gotta make it to that point!
Hi Shawna – I appreciated your honesty and vulnerability. I am happy for you and your family that you are in a new season. Hugs!
Oh Shawna you had me in tears. You are such a strong amazing woman. Your family is so lucky to have you! Congratulations on making it through the darkness. Enjoy the light :)
Wow, what a big load you have had on your shoulders for such a long time. I can’t imagine what it was like to basically be a single parent for the last 7 years. I was alone for almost 2 years while my husband was in the middle east and it just about did me in. I can totally relate to how you felt at gymnastics, I remember looking at happy little families back then and being so very jealous! I’m so happy for you that you are now on the other side. You are an inspiration!
[…] it definitely felt like home. It is by far my favorite house we’ve ever lived in, despite the really hard chapter we lived in it. The home’s abundance of natural light was always a bright spot amongst a lot […]
Shawna, thank you for sharing this emotional synopsis of your life in fellowship (and before!) You’ve nailed it SO well and your words will help others cope!
Thanks, also, so the shout out to Physician Family (www.physicianfamilymedia.org) AND to one of my very favorite Facebook pages, Nurturing Medical Marriages with Kim Blackham. We’re all trying to do the same thing – help good people cope with what can be a VERY difficult life by building connections with other people who GET IT. Good work and best wishes on the next part of the journey!
(And if you’re ever in the mood to write a blog for Physician Family, just let me know – editor@physicianfamilymedia.org)
Thank you!
I often felt the rage, and, being married to an ob-gyn in solo practice, with five kids, I found myself doing everything alone. My kids assume that daddy is not coming with us. I have to remind my 12 year old that he does not automatically get shot gun in the car because that’s where my husband occasionally rides.
And those intact perfect families, with perfect Sunday plans, two parent drop off and pick up… ugh.
Everyone keeps telling us to wait. We’ve been married for fourteen years, and I got him in medical school. The while life was waiting.
So thank you for being honest.
Great post! 2 years left (1 residency and 1 fellowship)….it’s been a long haul. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Shawna,
Your truth telling — thank you. Years ago I read your blog continuously and I only recently rediscovered that you are writing again. I went back and read all the posts. I am so happy to read your words again and to know that there is another mama out there up as early as I am! I relish my quiet mornings and hope they give me the space to be a little more patient and gentle (and forgive myself when I completely lose it because we should already be out the door! in the car! I’m late for work!). I am so glad I rediscovered your space here :)
You. Are. Amazing.
AMAZING. Here we are in the last (I really hope he doesn’t add one more year) of 8 years of training after med school for CT Surgery in a super-fellowship that wasn’t needed but so wanted, and I have all the feels. Thank you for writing this. I am with my kids ALL the time. People do NOT understand the pain of pretending everything is fine and that holidays without dad are just as nice. I sincerely thank you for adding your resources and the reminders from your marriage counceling.
[…] away from each stop with just one friend for life, I am a very lucky gal. My time in St. Louis, as hard as it was, came with a new collection of amazing women I get to add to my lifelong friend list. One of them […]
[…] self deprivation/exhaustion that came with it. Now, I would never change what life used to be like (as hard as it was, I LOVED raising my own kiddos, 24/7 for eight years!!) but I would be gentler with myself. If I […]