Two years ago I was pregnant. I didn’t know I was pregnant, but I spent the whole day in the kitchen clomid-hot-flashing through cooking my first full Thanksgiving meal by myself. I passed up all that wine that flowed around the table (justincase….) & spent the day thankful, but sad. The one thing I wanted, I didn’t have and though we were finally getting the help we needed to conceive, I was beat down and pessimistic about the whole situation. I had a lot to be thankful for, but I had no idea how thankful I would be just a week later.
Fast forward two years and wow. Life has changed. I had to stop myself today and take a very long deep breath. My daughter is becoming difficult. I am getting exhausted. Naps are dwindling, energy is soaring and her sass is at an all time high. Of course I knew I’d have a feisty, strong willed child…but if this is a preview to the teenage years….oooooof.
So I stopped. & I thought for a minute. & remembered all those months that I stared at one pink line and cried. over & over. What would I rather have? A challenging child or no child at all? I’ll take the baby. The food throwing, head banging, tail pulling baby. She’s mine. I adore her. She makes me work harder than I have ever worked at anything, but I am so so so so thankful to have her in my life.
So, last night, as she walked across my freshly mopped-with-vinegar floor, she slipped and slid and fell over & over again. She would not listen to me when I told her to walk the other way. She had to experience it herself. & there it was. The moment I walked in my mother & father’s shoes. Holy moly. How many times during my teenage years did I scream: “you have to let me have the experience, EVEN IF IT HURTS.” But really, I am afraid this is just the beginning.
So as I was watching her do the splits on a slippery floor & having my own ohmygodthisisreallyhappeningtome moment, I noticed this…
I will miss those determined little footprints someday. Those footprints that will go places I’d rather her not go. Somehow I am going to have to be okay with it. For now, I will remember the life I had without her & what a joy she is for me & this family & I will smile. I am so thankful that I get to be a mom. I am so thankful that I have a little corner of the internet to share & learn & grow. Thanks for being on this journey with me. :)