08.08.09. The most emotional day of my life. Nothing prepares you for the intensity of motherhood. As much as I thought I knew…it couldn’t even come close to the reality. The instant love you feel…indescribable.
My daughter is now one. [sniff, sniff] She was so small. So tiny. This has been the best year of my life. Above all else, I knew I wanted to be a wife and mother and now I am BOTH. All the decisions I made about business were right. I can never get this time back. I rocked her more than I should have. I hugged her every chance I got. I was home with her & wished to be nowhere else. This year was perfect.
[image taken my my SIL Kim]
I never talked about my birth story here. Mainly because it was the kind of birth that would horrify most soon-to-be mommy readers. I remember the non-stop dramatic, awful, traumatizing birth stories strangers felt so inclined to share with me as I reached the end of my pregnancy. I did not appreciate them. I will never do that to another woman. So, here is my very short story. With a VERY unexpected outcome. I promise short & I promise it will not scare you.
I was induced. It was my choice. I should have just waited for my body to be ready but I wanted to deliver with my doctor, who was on call. She was fabulous. I was stupid.
I was pushed into using drugs so I could be on the cRNAs schedule. I was stupid. I didn’t need them.
2 epidurals. Fail. 1 spinal. Fail. 4-8cm in 12 minutes with no drugs. YEP. Ready to push with no drugs. YEP.
It took 45 minutes. It was the most challenging workout of my life. My body did exactly what I was built to do. There was no question of “how” to do it. I just KNEW. I got to use all the muscle I worked so hard to build in that gym. All the endurance. I was prepared.
I experienced the greatest high of my life. (I have never done drugs, so emotional highs are all I know) It was AMAZING. It was intense. It was everything I never knew I always wanted. On accident.
What happened after was not so fun. I am thankful for blood donors, as I recovered because of you. My tailbone will be broken for the rest of my life. Hey, at least I have a legitimate reason for not doing sit-ups. Even if I can’t sit on a chair.
But I got a BABY and somehow, I forgot all the icky stuff. All I need to remember is my husband’s face. “It’s a girl,” he said, with that million dollar smile of his. “It’s a girl.”
Next time around, no drugs. I might even go with a midwife. I will not deliver in the military hospital. But I will deliver in a hospital, one that supports drug-free deliveries. I will be prepared, once again. Physically & mentally.
We are meant to have babies. I want to do it on my own. I don’t remember this week one year ago, because of the mess of drugs I was on & that makes me very, very sad. I don’t ever want that again.
So, you know, everything on the planet could go terribly wrong. But you still get a baby. The pain is tolerable. The joy is beyond your imagination. I was never scared, and hope you aren’t either. I am guessing every birth is different (at least I HOPE SO.) Hopefully I can have the birth experience I want the next time. Let’s pray there is a next time.
And…more pictures…heavens. I have 467 to cull through. As soon as I get a nice little compilation, I will get them up here with some fab party decor ideas. It was a fun one. More to come! :D