Project 52:31 | bumpy

Metadata: f/2.8, 1/80, ISO 4000


Bumpy. Pretty much the perfect way to say it. It’s been a roller coaster, this ride to baby number two, but it’s been one full of introspection & personal growth. and loss & hope. I have learned so much along this road & taken a lot of quiet time to think & process & feel. & today, I feel blessed. So blessed. & beyond supported by the wonderful people in my life.

I never really considered myself a person of faith. Until recently. I was raised going through the motions of religion. I was baptized. Confirmed. It was not a choice but I questioned everything along the way & got slapped on the wrist with each question. I often found myself turned off to the idea of Church. Religion. All of it was so cold & unwelcoming. At least the part of it I was exposed to. The people I was in contact with seemed to simply want to quiet me down and dismiss my questions, which only came from a place of seeking to understand. No one would answer me. Not even my professors at my very Catholic college. How dare I question that. I could see it on their faces. But it was a college that stressed the Socratic method & we were taught to question EVERYTHING before we believed it. Argue it. Defend it. Figure out where we stand & back ourselves up. Except, apparently, when it came to religion. I felt stranded & frankly, I didn’t really care to learn any more. I felt very turned off by the church and all that came with it.

But I have always been spiritual. I dove into the study of Transcendentalism in college. I did a lot of meditation & learned about Eastern religions in my deep practice of yoga. I never believed that there is nothing. I have always hoped there was more to life than what we have on this earth. I just knew my path was a longer one than most people I knew–but someday I’d understand it all. Someday I’d know where I stand. I just needed to be ready & supported.

Since becoming a mother, I have experienced a beautiful shift in my life. I learned that I needed faith to know that I wasn’t alone in this terrifying task that is raising a little PERSON. I met some WONDERFUL and encouraging spiritual women recently that have helped me in ways they do not even know. I love them for what they have brought to my life. I finally realized that much of what I believe, is found in scripture. I just never looked there for my words. My views and values are not unlike those in the Bible. In fact, many are similar. Very similar. I just never sought to cultivate them there…my bumpy road to faith has been full of questioning & slowly exploring & that has brought me to exactly the place I need to be.

So why now? Why share this now? Well. During this journey to this pregnancy I felt incredibly guided. In a way that I have never experienced in my life. When I questioned things, I always got answers. Should I medicate now? Should I wait? Am I ovulating? Am I not? Should I rush it? What’s the hurry? How is this going to affect my marriage? What is my next step? Or is one enough? I got answers to EVERYTHING. Clear as can be. Every single question had an answer so obvious that I just couldn’t help but stop. Think. Listen. I was so surprised & relieved. & just at ease. I can’t quite explain it in words. “If all of this is telling me what I think it is,” I thought to myself, “then this is my turning point. My moment in my journey of faith. I have to believe.”

& sure enough. After deep deliberation (and plenty of tears), I left the drugs in the cabinet. Again. & I waited. & wondered. & moped and embraced the joy that is my sweet, fiery two year old. & then, for the first time in my life, I actually felt my body ovulate. So strongly that I could not mistake it for anything else. so I waited & waited. & two weeks later…I saw two pink lines.

I have puhhh-lenty of reasons why I should not be pregnant right now. A jacked up uterus. Poorly functioning ovaries. Very few eggs. But…I am pregnant. & I got this way without any medical help. NO MEDICAL HELP. I am so grateful. All I can hope is that this one makes it–as I am not out of the woods yet (thanks to that jacked up uterus). But I am hopeful & happy. I will be done with babies after this. Two is good. Two is perfect. One would have been too, but this is just icing on the cake. My heart is full.

I know a lot of you who read this blog wound up here because of our common experiences with infertility or miscarriage. & I know a lot of you are still experiencing the pain of one or both. I am sure I am not alone in saying this– but it always stung a little bit when I heard annnnnother friend of mine was pregnant. I was happy for them & never wished my struggles on anyone, but it still made me sad for myself. I hope my story can bring you something more than this feeling–because I have really shitty statistics. & a lot of hurdles. & it STILL happened. “It just takes one” my RE always told me. Just one. Even if there aren’t a lot…it just takes one. And I now believe that it takes a little faith & paying attention to the signs along the way that point us in the right direction for our family. I have heard & continue to hear of so many miracles–despite shitty statistics. They are just numbers, after all. I hope, beyond what you’ll ever know, that you are granted the patience, determination & faith it takes for you to get the family you want. There is no right way. There is our way. & being positive, despite the emotional roller coaster, can only help. :)


So on a little less deep note:

Yes, we’ll be having another surprise. In February (fingers crossed). No, I will not be delivering on base. Yes, I will be using both a midwife AND an OBGYN. Yes, I am hoping to go drug-free & educating myself all the way there. Yes, I will be decorating a gender neutral nursery. Yes, I feel like crap. Yes, it’s MUCH harder the second time. & Yes, I need a break from blogging. So I am going to take one for a bit. :) I’ll be back soon. Mama is exhausted. (yay!)

What, you wanted to see my nursery-so-far? SURE! (apparently I am not good at keeping secrets because those of you on pinterest caught me pinning a lot to this board–whoopsie!) Oh what fun. :)


& if you happen to be new here & want to learn more about why my project 52 looks the way it does, head on over to

my project 52 story.

& here are the links to some of you who are doing this with me! Be sure to let me know if I missed you by adding a comment to this post. I promise to add you, as long as you link me back!

allenaim photographyBrown-Eyed Girl PhotographyBump Meet BabyCapturing MemoriesCapturing My TimeCyan Baby BlissConfessions of a Baby ShopaholicFitoriKatie Clay PhotographyLizzi Loves…McBabyBumpNew Mom AdventurePhreckle Face Photography{rik-see} photographySo Much for My PlansSurviving EndometriosisThe Buckeye HomesteadThe VanDyck FamilyWicked Kate

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Hi! Hello! I am Shawna, the founder of Styleberry Blog. This creative corner of the internet has become a learning haven for moms and creatives, offering a warm and encouraging nudge to those who wish to be better and do better, but often don't know where to start. From Decorating to DIY to Diapers and Paleo-ish Dishes, I strive to make the complicated simple and empower women to take action beyond their personal comfort zone. I subscribe to the Shine Theory & so strongly believe that we shine when the women around us shine and mutual support—lifting up instead of tearing down--will always be the culture here. Are you in? I hope so! Beyond the computer, I run Styleberry Creative where I work with clients to create low fuss, high function spaces that are pretty and practical in San Antonio, Texas and beyond. I LOVE making a house a home. My own studs out renovation is now complete and I am now back to working with clients. Please don't hesitate to drop me a line if you'd like to work together! I hope you’ll join me on this fun new adventure! Xo.